myhome

all i have is you October 26, 2007

I

You know this place home, it’s a place we used to play when we chld. not only children, people know its more. but what makes it fun, coould make everyone happy on it. when you swing and feel, this world moving, freely. much more happiness in the air. no other could make it, itself have it. more than everything we thought.

i don’t know how to start this writing home,

I keep thinking to all we just done in our last chat home. Many things that I missed from our chat, I couldn’t understand ya. Or even I just keep in silence when you want me to share.

I cannot stop keep thinking of you home, what you said to me. I learn it day by day, how can I answer those all. I tried to see it from many sides of me. To find the meaning of these all. That I haven’t able understand it till now. That’s what you show to me home.

Home, could you please not blaming anymore. It’s not fault of your side, I’m the one who cannot translate well what you mean. And you home, you’re never taking me out from my life, you bring me to a life. A better life for me, for us, at home. That’s my understanding, if you would said that it’s too simple for you, that’s me home a simple I understand, that’s what I have. But those all giving me worth thing inside, I can’t show it how, but I want you understand that you’re really I need in this life. I would never have all like now if I never meet you before or even you never take me home.
A home, this word this place that we find, we live together till now. Has been so long time we asked about it, talk about it and we have it together till now. A home, a simply word that has much more meaning for our life. But sometimes, I’m confused when you’re still asking this meaning to me home. You want me answer this cause you want me always say that to you, or, you’re really doubt on my understanding of home till now home.

One thing you have to know home, I have my home with you till now is for my life. My understanding of this maybe is not deep to you, but I’m really glad to have this home with you. I can’t explain how, I can’t do my life without you home. Feeling you all the time from here, that’s much meaning for me. Simply great. I can’t talk much like what you do or even what you ask home. I say what I can say about, I’m not clever telling what my heart mean. Even you teach me much to do this, I’m sorry its all what I can do home. And I know, my home is always helping me, and the time. You’re like the time, patiently waiting me, and I do really hope you’ll not be tired for this home.

Longer the river when the water flows, means it would run further. And further when the water flow, a bigger stream would growth with it. And our river now home, where is it? It’s been a long way we pass, it’s been a long time we spend. A year more, that’s not short time easily home. you take me into our home, till this distance separate us, we meet again in moment that GOD gave to us. Until now home, we still able to flow in it. Thanks to GOD. But that’s not my question. What you’re confused and what am I always thinking now, in the time that we had pass. Do I really not able telling you what is in my heart. Till now home, haven’t I able to show you, how do I love you. how do I trust in the life I have, my own home. one thing I surprised, my own home gave me a question “which part do you love from me?” is that what was you ask home?

How could you still have that question till now home? Oh, sorry that not question for you, that’s the question that I have to answer ya, …

I love you home . . .
I love you the way you are. I can’t mention which one? Or even how much. But I understand that I love you in the way you are, and me … I love you in the way I have. As the home I have, as the one I only have for this life.

I’m not able …. To tell you in a good sentence, those things surround us could represent my love to you, those rain that falls, it’s not enough to count how much cares you give home. this air we breathe, they couldn’t tell us, when will I stop to love you. I can’t tell you by all things here. But, what I have, what we have done, till we come to this time. The time we spent, those places we visited, many things we have done together, all word we have said. All the moment we have home, all memories we passed. And memories more that we would build in our life. I ask you, I beg you … to believe on that. That’s all I have, from you home, and all we do till now. When this hearts beating, when this lungs breathing, when our eyes blinking, when this mind full of you. Could you believe on these are? I can’t show you more than that home … I can’t draw it more to you, it’s all not enough to describe …

Home …
If by this all, still made you ask to me, what do I love from you …?
What do I understand from our home …?
I beg your sorry home; forgive me, if I’m not able to show you how is it all.
A home, for me … it’s bringing all life I have, and this home what has guide me for this world, this life. And you … you are, Agus Teguh Stipan, the one who brings me home. You’re the one, who has been giving me much more ……

Thank you so much, my sweetest home.

Oh ya home, I haven’t answered yet ya, what sharing is … ?
What is sharing home, … I know that sharing, we can give each other all thing we have, our problem we have, our happiness we have, all thing, … all we have surround us, without asking. To let everything flow in our river, to know all our home had in this river of life. To companied each other in all condition we face, to support each other when we are weak. To help, when we got wrong in steps, remaining the way we choose, a friend for life. Together, do all thing we face, together. Feeling the same, when one of us hurt, when we are sad, or even happy, still stay surround us. Taking every single stairs, to walk more, holding our hands to be strong more and more. Faith in our way we face now, cause this life should keep running.

I know it home, when we want to know, each of us, what have we passed, what we face, we have along this life, what we feel. In this world, cause two hearts, maybe couldn’t know what do you had or even what I had. Do we laugh, do we cry …many kinds happen. And us… we really want to feel it too, a family. A sense of family, that always have everything for all, even only one we have, still together we spend it. Feeling each other, I realized home, when you thought, that I haven’t told all I have to you, till you said I have something I hide to you.
I know its mistake, I know home, I know you. that you want me share you all I have, all I feel, cause you do it to me, share me all you have. I’m worried home, I don’t want make you sad there. Cause I know, you always care to me, about my healthy, my conditions, my daily, my happiness. And now, we are further than before. I feel it home.

You know me, well. You know my condition… all… Till the last time you left. I don’t want make you worried about me home, that I have un-better condition since you left, like what you said. Iya, I know when you are worried, so I don’t want do it more. You have thinking many things there home, I don’t want burden it more, that’s what I have. That’s what I feel recently we communicate. I have done many things I have to make myself feel better home, but … when I really want to contact you, I never have good news for you, I don’t want you have more burden for these. I don’t mean thinking by myself home, but, you been so much helping me. I want, you enjoy you days there, I have to learn how to solve my own problem. In healthy, in my daily I routinely do what could make me better, but sometimes, still I dropped after focusing in hard activities, even not so hard recently. I don’t like have rest all day, so sometimes I force, why home. I used to do it in past, and I could. But now, even I tried, … am I surrender from myself, I don’t understand.

He he, in a time, I sometimes, keep silent to this world, and thinking it more. Try to figure out the meaning of this all home. a silence for this life, and you know like I back to my dark life before. Drowning in hollowness. But seems I enjoy it home, no interaction, and no emotion. I know it’s bad, I’m just trying finding a peace in this noise, but I come to the loneliness. Someone to remain, a home to heal me, I’m waiting you. these writing, you voice, your pictures, home … that’s not enough, I need you, the real you here. I wait you always home, till the time for us.

I’m sorry, when we were at home you still feel the same. Do you really feel that home… that I hide something from you? when we were at our home …? That I was not happy, with you? at home? do you still have this thinking home. I tell you home, I’m so happy at home, nothing make me sad there, beside you my own home. I have get all things I want, I’m so glad have this life with you. I only want, this life, for ever time we have. At our sweetest home. thanks for everything my home.

So, now home, I only you know. I love you.
One thing home, I want you know, believe me. All I have is you, nothing could take you away, because you’re my home and my home … is my life.

Thanks for Allah, he gives me this best life. Thank you